


on the rooftops of the ruins, we are a song

by akaiyuzu



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Dorks in Love, F/F, First Love, Fluff, Introspection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-15
Updated: 2017-06-15
Packaged: 2018-11-14 14:59:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11210457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/akaiyuzu/pseuds/akaiyuzu
Summary: About loneliness and being found.





	on the rooftops of the ruins, we are a song

**Author's Note:**

> Hiya, first Haikyuu!! work! I'm a filthy anime watcher so this may not be very manga compliant (though I did my research on Kiyoko's backstory). Sorry.  
> Be aware that this story follows Kiyoko's past (it is very Kiyoko-centric) and the events of season 2 and 3, so it's more of a "what was happening off-screen" kind of thing than a new story. I sort of started writing this on a whim and then spent a hundred years in it, yeah. Still not completely happy with it but assumed I should just let it go already LMAO  
> As always, I must point out that English is not my first language, so there has to be some dumb mistakes here and there, but don't hesitate to point them out to me. It's good learning experience c:  
> (Also, the title is from Aimer's "Dareka Umi wo". Those who watched Zankyou no Terror must be familiar with it; it was the Ending Theme. Reasons why I picked it: 1) There are crows in the clip and, most importantly, 2) I love this song.)

Since her eleven years of age, Shimizu Kiyoko was never once able to forget that she was a woman. From the moment the rest of the world took notice of her looks, it was all there was to her and nothing else.

Kiyoko was still too young when she learned to differentiate the two types of looks she received on the train ride to school; the lecherous ones from men, and the measuring ones from women. They wanted to keep her at a distance, and they wanted to look more closely.

_Pretty girl. Petulant. Young little thing. Strange. Interesting._

Her parents asked sometimes. She was incredibly relieved to tell them no one ever got too close.

When Kiyoko climbed out of the train and got to school, things weren't much different. Even there, people seemed to want to look at her from afar, like a painting on the wall of a museum. Always looking, always making comments.

_Full of herself. Gorgeous. Kind of lewd. Standoffish. Cold._

Her parents asked sometimes. No one ever gets too close, she told them. They were worried. For her, it wasn't exactly a relief. It made her sad... until it didn't anymore.

One way or another, she learned to pretend that she couldn't see their perusing glances. She mastered the arts of ignoring ill-concealed whispers to the point she really couldn't hear them anymore.

Things changed in middle school, but not drastically. Over those three years and the first half of high school, she received a few confessions from boys. In a way, Kiyoko appreciated those few honest souls who were sincere and considerate enough to be upfront with her instead of creeping on her, whispering behind her back. She thought, maybe, eventually, there would be one whose feelings she would be able to requite. That was what she watched happen with other girls in her class, at least.

Nothing ever happened, however. And she wondered if her classmates had been all forcing themselves, because the more she thought of it, the more sure she was that she couldn't jump into a relationship like that.

The question burst out of her at one occasion.

 

"Have you...?"

"Eh?"

The boy blinked at her, eyes wide. Kiyoko realized belatedly that she must've interrupted him mid-sentence. Well, she had started, might as well finish it. Kiyoko shuffled her feet nervously, blinking her eyes away momentarily before turning her gaze back towards the boy confessing to her.

"Have you ever dated someone right after confessing to them? Or having them confess to you?"

The boy raised his eyebrows at her before twisting them quizzically. Kiyoko wondered if that was the kind of thing people simply didn't ask each other; maybe everyone else knew without asking. Why didn't she know, then?

"Is this a trick question?" He asked with a chuckle.

Kiyoko cocked her head to the side. He must've realized she wasn't kidding, because he scratched the back of his head, proceeding without vocal confirmation of her seriousness.

"Yes, I have. My ex-girlfriend confessed to me."

"Did you know her before she confessed?" Kiyoko pushed, and the boy seemed even more confused.

Still, he replied, "No? I just saw her around school sometimes. She was a year behind, so we didn't really interact. But she was cute-looking, so I saw no harm in accepting her confession."

Kiyoko blinked down at the grass under her feet. "I see."

Feeling as though she had already blown her questioning quota, Kiyoko remained silent after that. She only opened her mouth again to reject him politely.

 

To the next boy, she made a new question.

 

"Why are you confessing to me?" Kiyoko asked after the boy was done making his initial statement.

She felt bad immediately; the boy turned several shades _paler_ under her gaze, eyes almost bulging out.

"I'm simply curious," Kiyoko said with a small reassuring smile. "You don't need to answer if you don't want to."

The boy nodded, seeming to regain some of his color.

"It's just... you're very beautiful. K-kind of s-s-sexy? I'm- I'm sorry, why did I say that? Uh... It's just... Anyone who's seen you around school will say you just have a sort of... amazing aura. Almost like you are..."

_Flawless._

Kiyoko blinked, deadpan. In the concoction of judgments thrown her way over the past few years, that specific word was new. From his bright tone, she knew it was meant to be flattering, but it felt more like a burden than a compliment.

Then again, didn't she actively try to look flawless to other people? Didn't she cover up her hardships and kept people at arm's length? That was the reason why she was never able to make friends in class, and the reason why she retired from the field and track club with little to no memories to hold.

Suddenly, it shook her to the core. At what point did she become resigned to this role she was assigned to? When did she stop waiting for someone to _see_ her?

It shook her, but after closing her eyes, she sighed. Resignation.

Kiyoko wasn't really a team player, she admitted to herself. She wasn't good to support someone, or let someone support her. And she was okay with that; keeping her happiness and sadness to herself was good enough. No one else needed to know.

She rejected that boy and every one after him, gently thanking them for their sincerity.

(After meeting Tanaka Ryuunosuke and Nishinoya Yuu, she mysteriously stopped receiving confessions. Their antics could get annoying at times, but she felt somewhat grateful.)

 

* * *

 

When Kiyoko became a part of the Karasuno Volleyball Club on her first year of high school, no one made a big deal out of her looks, except for Nishinoya and Tanaka, who showed up on her second year. Despite her initial discomfort at their weird advances, Kiyoko quickly realized they weren't bad people and their dramatic displays did amuse her at times. Not that she ever showed it outwardly—that would only fan the flames of their enthusiasm.

She had accepted Sawamura's invitation to be the team manager on a whim, a simply curious thought. She wanted to put it to check, whether or not she was really suited to support someone, to stand behind these starry-eyed boys and carry their dream with them.

However, along the way, their dream became Kiyoko's own. She started feeling like an important part of the team, much more than when she was in the field and track club. She found herself doing what she could to support them, even if she couldn't stand on the court with them. She celebrated their victories with them and cried with them for their losses (and there were _many_ throughout their first and second years).

With her managerial duties, Kiyoko didn't have time to think about the increasingly noticeable lack of interest she felt for boys—or for anyone, for that matter. She forgot even about her lack of friends outside of the volleyball club, since her social awkwardness hadn't gotten much better over time.

It all came back to her after the Inter-High prelims on her third year, in the form of one Yachi Hitoka.

 

"So, why don't we try a trial membership?" Kiyoko said tentatively, looking down at the petite blond girl on the hallways. Yachi Hitoka, first year.

"Huh?! Sure!" Hitoka practically squeaked, stiffening up like a ruler as she fixed wide, light-brown eyes on Kiyoko.

The third-year couldn't hold back an overjoyed smile as she grasped the girl's hands in her own. "Really?! Thank you so much! Then, I'll come by again after school."

After talking to a considerable amount of students, this was the first time Kiyoko felt something different. Her gut feeling told her this would go somewhere. Releasing Yachi Hitoka's hand, Kiyoko nearly skipped away, feeling much lighter on her feet.

 

* * *

 

 _"I-I'm Yachi Hitoka!"_ was Hitoka's nervous introduction to the team as she stepped away from Kiyoko's back.

 

At first, Kiyoko chalked up her comfort around Hitoka to some sort of relief for not being the only girl in the gym anymore. Kiyoko truly loved the team, but in addition to being naturally reserved, she did find herself having to put on airs most of the time, especially with Nishinoya and Tanaka waiting for the smallest leverage to go on tirades.

And then, there was her protective instinct for the younger girl too. She wasn't familiar with such impulses, but it made sense; Hitoka was so anxious and helpless, Kiyoko had to feel sympathetic. She often found herself saving Hitoka from stray balls and having to tell the boys to not crowd her so much when Hitoka was unable to speak up for herself.

Along the way, she realized she wasn't smiling only to soothe Hitoka's nerves anymore.

On top of sympathy and protectiveness, Kiyoko was _captivated_  by her; Hitoka was as vibrant and solicitous as Hinata, who was the first of the players to befriend the blonde girl.

Kiyoko remembered, with an amused smile, how Hinata had offered his help to find a new manager even when practice and schoolwork were weighing him down. Hitoka was very much like that too, even accepting to tutor their problematic duo: Kageyama and Hinata. Though Kiyoko wanted to be there for all of her kouhai, she admittedly had a soft spot for people like that; those who were genuine and earnest.

She didn't smile that much to Hinata, though. Kiyoko was sure of that, because Tanaka and Nishinoya would've definitely made the little boy's life a living hell.

To everyone's joy, Hitoka ended up officially joining the team. Seeing how well she hit it off with her fellow first-years and the other boys, Kiyoko couldn't be more satisfied with her choice. She was also happy that Hitoka had slowly warmed up to her too. And now, they were in the middle of their away games in Tokyo, with Shinzen, Nekoma, Ubugawa and Fukurodani.

"Shimizu-senpai, good morning!" Hitoka greeted as she entered the small cafeteria.

"Good morning, Hitoka-chan," Kiyoko answered lightly, just leaving the serving station. "Hungry?"

"Mhm! You were on cooking duty, right? Let's eat together!"

Kiyoko felt incredibly happy with the progress they had made in their relationship. During those first couple of weeks, Hitoka had been all choppy movements, squeals of surprise and stammered sentences. Most of her nervousness had been directed at their overexcited athletes, but for quite a bit of time, Kiyoko felt the tightness in Hitoka's words and gestures around her, no matter how much she tried to draw her kouhai out.

They placed their trays on the table and sat across from each other. Other than them, there was only Tsukishima and Yamaguchi at the table, eating their respective meals and wrapped up in their own bubble of conversation (though Yamaguchi did flash them a greeting smile when they sat down).

Hinata passed by their table as they ate their meal and loudly greeted them. Hitoka turned her head to smile and wave at him and the groggy Kageyama tagging behind. Kiyoko nodded to boys and that's when her eyes glided around the crown of Hitoka's head.

"Hitoka-chan, your hair looks like a bird's nest," Kiyoko said under a laugh.

"Ugh," Hitoka interjected with a grimace, lifting a hand to blindingly flatten the stubborn hairs sticking up atop her head. "I didn't brush it properly because I woke up late."

"Pardon me," Kiyoko muttered softly, motioning for Hitoka to move her hand away before softening the muss of blond strands herself. Kiyoko's movements were careful and gentle, careful not to snag on any tangled sections. Then, she settled back, feeling a strange sense of reluctance as she dropped her hand on her lap.

"It's better now," she said, and Hitoka's face was the softest, most endearing pink color. After staring for one second too long, she ducked her head.

"Thank you." Hitoka eagerly dug into her bowl of steaming rice, chopsticks clicking dully.

With a smile and a flutter in her chest, Kiyoko turned to her own meal. She easily ignored Tanaka and Nishinoya's distant crowing from another table.

 

* * *

 

During their away games, there was one time Kiyoko wasn't able to catch a stray ball.

Not one that would hit her; her hand was always moving to protect her before her mind even caught up to the action. If there was one thing she could be proud of, it was her fast reflexes.

However, it was another matter entirely when she had not only to move her hand fast, but to run faster than the ball.

Hitoka didn't even see the ball coming before it hit her squarely on the side of her head.

Kiyoko thought she heard a squeal of panic off to the side, but she didn't stop to identify it between Hinata and Yamaguchi. She was already beside Hitoka, who had only stumbled upon being hit and didn't even make a sound, probably due to the shock.

"Hitoka-chan?" Kiyoko called as Hitoka put a hand on the side of her head.

"Ow..."

Kiyoko could hear the boys trotting towards them like a herd of worried buffalos. She put a hand on Hitoka's shoulder, leading her towards an empty chair.

"Come on, you should sit down. I'll check your head."

"YACHI-SAN, I'M SO SORRY!" Hinata bawled after them. His yell was followed by a smack and pained squawk as Kageyama slapped the back of his head, spitting the usual stream of "dumbass Hinata".

"Hinata's shitty receives finally have a wounded toll," Tsukishima droned. In turn, he got a slap on the arm from Yamaguchi, who glared at him. Tsukishima firmly ignored his scowl.

Sugawara hurried to silence the fretting flock of crows while Sawamura stepped forward.

"Yachi, how you're feeling?"

Hitoka flinched on her seat at being addressed by the captain himself. "Y-Yes!"

 _Yes?_ Sawamura tilted his head to the side.

"What a commotion," Nekoma's captain, Kuroo, drawled. He had soundlessly come to stand beside Tsukishima, who threw a startled look at him before it turned into a glare. From Kuroo's other side, his small vice-captain peered at the orange-and-black team with his usual sharp golden eyes.

"Aside from a bit of bruising, everything seems alright," Kiyoko reported as her face closed in on Hitoka's, pushing her blond strands away from her temple with gentle fingers. Poor Hitoka seemed about to overheat, face flushing a furious red as she averted her gaze from Kiyoko's face.

Sawamura sighed in relief. "That's good."

"K-Kiyoko-san, I think I scraped my arm going for a diving receive..." Tanaka mumbled from behind Hinata and Kageyama.

"You think you'd get the same treatment?" Kuroo asked in mock-pity, sounding like he already knew the answer well enough. His vice-captain was, now, staring down at Kiyoko and Hitoka.

Kiyoko didn't listen to the uproar caused by Tanaka and Nishinoya loudly challenging Nekoma's captain to a fight. As Sugawara and Daichi tried to pacify their teammates and Kuroo cackled loudly, Kiyoko leaned away from Hitoka, but only to retrieve an ice pack from her small first-aid kit.

The blonde girl gave out a stuttered inhale when Kiyoko pressed the bag to her temple.

"Hold it like this. Hopefully it won't swell too much," Kiyoko said, almost business-like.

"I really need to learn how to deflect stray balls the way you do, Shimizu-senpai," Hitoka told her under a laugh, hand moving over Kiyoko's to hold the ice pack to her bruise.

"I'll teach you," Kiyoko promised her. "It's not something you learn overnight, though."

Hitoka laughed weakly. "Especially when I'm this clumsy-"

"Hitoka-chan," Kiyoko called softly. The blonde girl blinked big brown eyes at her, and Kiyoko smiled soothingly. "You've never been in a sports club, it's normal to not be fast enough. I had trouble at first too. You still have two years and a half to train yourself."

The first-year laughed awkwardly. "I doubt I'll ever be as good as you, Shimizu-senpai. But anything would be an improvement, compared to now."

"I'll be sure to keep an eye out for you, meanwhile," Kiyoko assured her, her smile unmoving, hand slipping off from under Hitoka's. For the briefest of moments, the first-year seemed troubled, but then she returned the grin, blushing softly.

 

Thus, every time Kiyoko managed to save the ball in time after that, the impact of it against her hand felt incredibly satisfying. Sawamura jokingly told her such fast reflexes would make her a fearsome defense player on court. It was the boys' training camp, but she felt like it was practice for her as well, eyes and feet moving faster each time she saw a ball flying by her vicinity.

Hitoka tried to pick up on her ways, if only by observation. Over their time in training camp, Hitoka watched many matches, which helped her become attuned with the ball's fast movement on air. In the span of a week, she managed to catch a few stray balls that were slow and non-threatening enough. Each time, she looked to Kiyoko for validation, gleaming eyes expectant, and her senpai smiled reassuringly at her.

Still, the faint buzzing of blood under the skin of Kiyoko's palm felt the most gratifying on the day of their game against Aoba Johsai. Their fateful rematch, as Takeda-sensei would say with his literature-inspired flourishes.

The truth was that she was watching Hitoka beforehand; watching her and the Aoba Johsai's #6 approaching her with badly concealed ulterior motives. Kiyoko saw the moment the boy with sandy-brown hair lightly tossed a ball in Hitoka's attention, promptly running in her direction and asking her to return the ball.

When Kiyoko glimpsed a second ball awkwardly bouncing off Seijoh's #3 skewed receive, her feet were moving already.

The ball smacked against the side of her hand as she effortlessly slid in front of Hitoka, producing a loud thump that could've echoed in the gym if it wasn't swallowed up by the enthusiastic cheering coming from the stands. Once, twice it bounced on the polished wooden floor as the boys from Seijoh gaped at her, and Kiyoko didn't bother to hide her contemptuous glare.

Looking more like he was about to rob #6's lunch money, Tanaka pushed another ball into the arms of the dumbfounded boy, and Kiyoko left them to their own devices. She turned to look at Hitoka, who seemed just as shocked as the Aoba Johsai players.

"Hitoka-chan?" Kiyoko called, head slightly tilted. Hitoka jumped on her spot, seemingly catching herself and turning wide eyes towards Kiyoko's face.

"Sh-Sh-Shimizu-senpai! Thank you once again!" Hitoka bowed repeatedly. Kiyoko raised her hands, trying to placate the other girl with a hesitant smile.

"Don't worry. It would've hurt pretty badly if it hit you."

Hitoka stopped her repeated apologies, but kept her head down, hands clutching the knees of her dark blue pants.

"Even though I've been trying to learn from you, I still don't notice the fast balls at all."

Kiyoko bit her lip at Hitoka's dejected tone. Their small scene seemed to have been completely forgotten as the boys on both sides of the net drilled receives with startling focus, shouting encouragement to one another.

"I told you, you won't learn overnight. It's only been a couple of months, but the results will surely start showing on your second or third year."

Hitoka raised her head, looking up at Kiyoko with upturned eyebrows. "But how am I supposed to be a good manager if I can't even hold my own in the gym? I don't want the team to worry about hitting me—that would disrupt their practice! And you- Shimizu-senpai, you'll be g-gone after this year. Getting better by second or third year isn't early enough. I want you to leave the team knowing that I can properly take care of them and myself!"

Kiyoko blinked down at the girl, baffled by her sudden outburst. Something in Hitoka's determined gaze seemed to snap out of place, because her eyes widened and her face flushed bright red.

"W-w-what am I saying? I'm so sorry, Shimizu-senpai, that was impudent. I-if you had trouble yourself, how could I hope to perfect my reflexes so fast? That's impossible," Hitoka babbled nervously, scratching the back of her head and averting Kiyoko's eyes.

The whistle went off and Kiyoko heard Sawamura's commanding "Line up!"

Hitoka's gaze floated towards the teams scrambling to line up on each side of the net, very different sets of eyes boring into their adversaries with the same greed for victory. Kiyoko let her eyes skim over their faces, knowing only the scars and bruises of one side, but never being willful enough to think Aoba Johsai didn't have their own. No team got to this point without knowing the bitter taste of insecurity, of defeat.

"I'm already plenty sure I'm leaving them to a great manager."

Hitoka slowly turned to look at her, mouth agape as though she wasn't sure if those words were meant for her. Kiyoko's confident grin confirmed it.

"Yacchan!" The strident call seemed to rattle the poor girl's very soul as she flinched and swiveled to the stands, where Tanaka's older sister energetically waved at her with both arms, grinning broadly.

"A-ah, I have to..." Hitoka stumbled over her words, cheeks alight with vivid pink.

Kiyoko thought of reassuring her that she didn't need to be impatient, didn't need to prove herself, but seeing Takeda-sensei waving her over to the bench where he was standing with Coach Ukai, she shrugged it off. Hopefully, Hitoka had gotten the message already.

"That's okay. I have to get in position too," Kiyoko said, pointing at the bench.

Perhaps triggered by Coach Ukai and Takeda-sensei's emergent gazes, Hitoka launched herself into a new rush of panicked apologies. "Ah! Sorry, was I holding you up?! I-"

Kiyoko put a hand on her shoulder, succeeding on silencing the other girl.

"Cheer for us as loud as you can, okay?"

Hitoka's eyes grew big and bright. Her entire body seemed to be soaking in Kiyoko's words, probably concentrating enough energy to give birth to a star in her core. Hitoka beamed at her, smile as warm as sunlight.

"Yes!"

The first-year bounded towards the doors, heading to the stands. Kiyoko finally moved to stand beside Coach Ukai, hurrying to apologize.

In the seconds between her steadying inhale and the shrill command of the whistle, the gym was submerged in expectant silence, but Kiyoko's heart was thundering in her ears.

 

* * *

 

Kiyoko hadn't played the game but she still felt high on their victory over Aoba Johsai. It had something to do with the thrilling fight for the last point that kept playing in her mind's eye, but mostly, it was the effect of seeing everyone's smiling faces, their laughter and joy. The victory tasted sweeter when she remembered the sharp tang of defeat on her tongue, like the blood and sweat they had all poured into the Inter-High, only to find themselves falling in a whirlpool of regret.

That was a story from the past, however. They had learned from it, and the pain made them stronger. They were going to the tournament finals and, right now, there was no place for thoughts of defeat in their minds.

"What are you doing?" She queried from the gym doorway as she looked at Kageyama, Hinata and Hitoka, who were huddled up next to the volleyball net.

"Sh-Shimizu-senpai?!" Hitoka nearly squeaked in surprise and, if Kiyoko was correct, a bit of guilt. She was holding a volleyball against her chest like it was grounding her.

Kiyoko glanced around the gym floor and found several volleyballs scattered on the opposite side of the net. Right after playing two matches with some of the strongest schools in the prefecture, they were still practicing so eagerly... She dropped her head momentarily and sighed.

"Resting properly is another important part of preparing for matches, you know?" She chastised them, and found her tone slipping into one she usually heard from her own mother. Exasperated, but fond.

"S-sorry!" Hitoka apologized to her, bowing slightly before tossing a stern look towards Kageyama and Hinata. Kiyoko thought it made her look like a baby lion. "Come on! That's enough! Let's clean up!"

"Ehhhh," Hinata whined, slouching immediately.

"Come on, hurry up!" Hitoka urged them with a sweep of her hand. Hinata wobbled up to Kageyama's side as they went to gather the volleyballs.

"We got in trouble because of you," Kageyama grumbled accusingly, frowning at Hinata.

"You wanted to practice, too, didn't you?" Hinata retorted in offense. Kiyoko looked on with a soft smile as they picked up the balls. Hitoka threw the one she had in her arms inside the big cart next to her and paddled towards Kiyoko.

"I'm sorry for helping them practice," Hitoka apologized again, mouth set in a thin line. Her eyes were almost amber under the gym's fluorescent lights.

Kiyoko shook her head, black hair rustling on her shoulders. "No, it's fine. Actually... thanks for practicing with them."

After a beat of tongue-tied surprise, Hitoka beamed at her, a beautiful flush spreading across her round face as she broke into a wide grin.

"Right!"

The speeding of Kiyoko's heart made her feel like she was running out of air for a suffocating second. It was like the first time she pole vaulted; the security of the pole in her hand falling away, the ground spinning vertiginously under her and the weight of gravity pulling her back to Earth with brutal certainty.

 It was the same pull she felt now, jolting her out of her ideations. Thankfully, it didn't seem like it lasted more than a second. Short enough that no one would notice, but long enough that she was unable to ignore it.

"Hitoka-chan," Kiyoko started, and she was glad that her voice was normal. "It's already dark, so do you want me to go to the bus stop with you?"

"O-okay!" Hitoka answered, and Kiyoko's smile grew minutely. She looked over to her other kouhai.

"Hinata and Kageyama, as soon as you're done, you need to go straight home," Kiyoko told them, and she sounded too chipper even to her own ears. They didn't seem to notice.

"Right!"

With that, Hitoka grabbed her light-green backpack from where it was leaning against the wall and followed behind Kiyoko on her way out of the gym, bouncing on her feet ever so slightly. Kiyoko fiddled with her glasses distractedly and glanced at the way Hitoka's hair bobbed around her face at the movement.

"Shimizu-senpai, I thought you had left already," Hitoka said lightly.

"We had a little assembly," Kiyoko told her. They crossed the school gate and Kiyoko let her eyes skim over the cityscape, extending over and beyond the edge of the road.

"The third years?" Hitoka guessed. Kiyoko nodded.

"It's our last year, and our last chance to win the Spring High. Makes one want to reminisce about the past, even if it's full of bitter memories," Kiyoko explained, staring at the soft blue of the pavement under her feet.

"I feel like I've been really spoiled," Hitoka said in a small voice, prompting Kiyoko to give her a sidelong glance. Her profile was pale silver under the moonlight, forming shadows in the lines of her frown. "Shimizu-senpai has been through so much with the volleyball team, since the beginning. I did see their hardships, but our team is respected right now. I get to come here and take your place when you've already done all the work. I can only imagine how much you had to endure when people called us a 'fallen powerhouse'."

Kiyoko looked from Hitoka's expression to the hunch of her shoulder, her fidgety hands as she gripped the straps of her backpack. The silence that fell over them was perturbed only by their footsteps and the chirping of crickets, crawling through the bushes by the roadside. Kiyoko smiled candidly and before she could fully rationalize the gesture, she raised her hand and patted Hitoka's head.

The first-year nearly leaped off the ground and swiveled her head to stare at Kiyoko with huge eyes. The older girl moved her hand away from her head as they stopped under a lamppost, bathed in a small pool of light.

"Sh-Sh-Shimizu-senpai?!" Hitoka almost gasped, face red like a beacon. She laid a hand atop her head as if Kiyoko had actually smacked her there.

Kiyoko chuckled behind her hand before showing an apologetic grin. "Sorry, I overstepped my bounds."

"N-n-n-no, not at all! I was just surprised, is all!"

They resumed their walk. Kiyoko went on to say, "In the same way a high school team is never complete, the manager's work is never complete either. We had our own problems as we built this team and we did what we could."

Hitoka stared at her intently as she talked, as though she was a believer listening to the gospel. Kiyoko smiled and continued, "You will have your own share of problems, and you will have to find your own solutions. All I hope for is that we are able to leave you with a good foundation."

The blonde girl came to a halt once again. A couple of steps ahead, Kiyoko stopped walking as well, turning partially towards the blonde girl. She was staring blankly at Kiyoko, and it looked like every star from the dark sky above them had escaped into her eyes.

"Hitoka-chan?"

"Y-yes, absolutely!" Hitoka nearly shouted, having seemingly froze for a moment. She did that a lot, Kiyoko noticed.

The third-year smiled lightly and reached for Hitoka's hand, pulling her back into their path.

Despite how flushed Hitoka's face was, she went along with Kiyoko without much fuss. As the distance stretched between the school and themselves, the number of houses, shops and stores started increasing, shedding dim lighting on the street. Ukai-san's shop was long closed like many others.

When they were around the corner to the bus stop, Hitoka spoke up again.

"Thank you very much for inviting me to the club, Shimizu-senpai."

Their hands were still wrapped up in one another, fingers interlaced. Kiyoko threw her a curious look, then broke in a warm smile.

"I'm glad I invited you to our club," she said, and it was sincere.

Hitoka laughed slightly. She sounded nervous.

"I was so scared at first. At once, I was blindsided by you alone."

Kiyoko blinked quizzically. "Blindsided?"

"Yes," Hitoka confirmed with a nod to punctuate it. They finally reached the bus stop; aside from them, there was only an old lady seating on the corner of the bench, humming lowly under her breath as she waited for her own bus. "You didn't even look human. You were so b-beautiful, you seemed unapproachable. Haha, I couldn't stop thinking about how much I looked like a trash bag standing next to you."

"Ahh... I see," Kiyoko said with a thin smile. She shouldn't be surprised that Hitoka had such an impression of her. She shouldn't, but-

"And everyone was so tall and scary, they all looked like hooligans, but I soon realized I was completely wrong. My first impressions are always so skewed and far away from reality, you'd guess I would have learned not to give them any credit by now, but... Haha." Hitoka scratched the back of her head shyly. "I misjudged them all; the boys turned out to be good people, even Tanaka-senpai. Ukai-san always has a good word of advice for our plays. And you, too..." Hitoka turned earnest brown eyes to Kiyoko's dark blue ones. To think the day would come when Hitoka would look at her so directly, _brazenly_.

"You are actually one of the kindest people I've ever known, Shimizu-senpai. You were really sweet and welcoming from the start—I was just too caught up in my own issues to realize. You're beautiful but you're also really cool. You always work hard, even when you think no one's looking, and you're not afraid to roll up your sleeves and get your hands dirty. But, I don't know why... sometimes, you also look lonely."

Kiyoko stared at her, dumbfounded.

Hitoka's already uncertain expression grew even more skittish and it seemed as though she was about to ooze steam out of her ears, face becoming gradually redder.

"I-I-I'm sorry, that's just me making stupid assumptions, ahaha. _Oh!_ "

Kiyoko visibly flinched at Hitoka's gasped interjection, looking at something behind her senpai. Warily turning around, Kiyoko saw Hitoka's bus nearing their stop.

"Sorry again, Shimizu-senpai, just forget about it, okay?" Hitoka pleaded frantically while averting Kiyoko's gaze, signaling for the bus to stop.

"No, that's-" Kiyoko started, trying to calm Hitoka's nerves, but the girl's tremulous laughter cut her off.

"It's okay, I was being very insolent." She stumbled over her syllables, and soon enough, the bus was pulling to a stop in front of them.

"Hitoka-"

"See you tomorrow!" Hitoka nearly yelled over the high-pitch whistle of the bus brake and its rumbling engine.

Then, she held onto each side of Kiyoko's head before springing up on her toes and planting a kiss to Kiyoko's cheekbone, right under her right eye.

Hitoka jumped into the bus like it was a lifeboat, faster than Kiyoko could've reached for her. Not that she tried.

Kiyoko stood rooted to the sidewalk, glasses slightly askew as she simply blinked at the bus' taillights as it drove away. Like the first sparkle to light a campfire, that point of contact on her cheek burned and scattered across her face, setting it aflame.

 

* * *

 

Hitoka dropped on the seat next to the window, hoping that the night breeze sweeping in would alleviate the burning on her cheeks. Her breath was coming out shallow, desperate, and coming in cold and cutting.

It did nothing. Not for her face temperature, not for her lungs.

She hugged her backpack to her chest, nearly curling up into a ball as her brain properly caught up with what she had just done.

Her insolent speech. The kiss, thankfully on the cheek because her brain decided to not screw her over completely. Shimizu-senpai's befuddled expression.

_Why did I do that?! Damn you, damn you and your brain, Yachi Hitoka!!_

Hitoka whimpered pathetically, smothering her face on the rough fabric of her backpack.

 

* * *

 

After thinking things over with only her blank ceiling for company, Kiyoko decided that, if Hitoka brought up last night's events in the morning, they'd talk about it. Otherwise, it would be left to the wayside, to be forgotten or to be discussed another day. From what little she knew about Hitoka, Kiyoko suspected she would nervously avoid the subject, and should be given some space.

However...

"Shimizu-senpai, good morning!"

Kiyoko put her bag in one of the cupboards and looked over her shoulder, seeing Hitoka walking into the changing room. Not only her smile, but her entire complexion seemed to be blindingly bright.

"Good morning, Hitoka-chan," she greeted back, eyes blinking inquisitively behind lenses.

Hitoka was acting as cheerful as always—maybe even more so, in light of their important match. She babbled on while they changed into their dark-blue tracksuits. Her smiles didn't stretch too far, and her eyes didn't shy away from Kiyoko's.

It dawned on Kiyoko pretty quickly as she left the changing room first, standing in front of the door while Hitoka finished getting ready.

_Ah. It wasn't a big deal to her._

Hitoka surely had no idea of the weight and power behind her words last night. Surely, she didn't feel the buildup of longing and wistfulness Kiyoko was just becoming aware of. That kiss must've been simply platonic. Kiyoko decided it wasn't something bad.

Even though every grin and every brush of shoulders made Kiyoko wonder if it was _now_ , if something would be said.

It wasn't cause for worry, since the match had them separated soon enough; Hitoka was up on the stands and Kiyoko was on the bench with Takeda-sensei and Coach Ukai, notebook clutched in her hands and pencil scratching statistics efficiently. The events of last night were swept away in the adrenaline and tension of five sets against Shiratorizawa.

If the game against Aoba Johsai had been nerve-racking, the game against Shiratorizawa was nearly panic-inducing. Kiyoko was hardly surprised with the hard hits they got over the first set and half of the second one, but it was even less surprising when Karasuno managed to turn the tides in their direction. It showed in the Shiratorizawa players' faces: the bewilderment at Hinata and Kageyama's freak-quick, the frustration when Daichi and Nishinoya kept picking up their spikes, the anger when Tsukishima shut Ushijima Wakatoshi down.

When the whistle announced the end of the fifth set, the ball bouncing on the polished wooden floor with the cruel pull of gravity, no one knew on which side it had fallen for a second. Legs and arms protested for relief, wounds throbbed in pain, bodies were slick in sweat, minds were pushed to their limits.

But their eyes were on the ball, and it fell on Shiratorizawa's side. The numbers flipped on the scoreboard: 21 for Karasuno, 19 for Shiratorizawa.

Victorious cries washed over the gym like a rushing Tsunami, Karasuno's cheering squad nearly overflowing from the stands. Takeda-sensei and Coach Ukai leapt off their seats, screaming with their arms thrown in the air, valiantly trying not to join the boys who were crying and yelling as they fell in a heap of sweaty bodies on the floor of the court.

Kiyoko's hands were clutched tight to her chest, the thick fabric of her tracksuit bunching in her palms. She didn't pay attention to the tension in her knuckles, because this wasn't simply a victory. They had just gotten their ticket to Spring High Tournament.

Without warning, tears fell freely from Kiyoko's eyes, spilling over the seams and blurring her vision so badly she barely caught sight of Sugawara, Azumane and Sawamura looking over at her and throwing their fists up, faces split in brilliant grins.

In her eyes, their smiles and tears overlapped with those of their very first victory, back in their first year. Back then, chubbier cheeks, a few centimeters shorter. Now, muscles toned up, skin hardened over bruises.

Kiyoko smiled back broadly, though her lips were wobbling and she was sure it must've looked more like a grimace.

 

By the time Hitoka climbed down from the stands, the boys were gone from the court, freshening up before the awards ceremony.

Coach Ukai and Takeda-sensei were mumbling excitedly to each other, the latter gesticulating wildly with a blinding grin plastered on his face. Not that Kiyoko saw it, or heard the exact words. She was looking over her shoulder and turning around as Hitoka jogged through the doors leading to the courtside, face flushed from recently dried tears and the euphoria of victory.

The silence between them didn't feel heavy, but Kiyoko could feel something that was decisively not one-sided on her part. Hitoka looked at her like she was expecting her to say something, something Kiyoko still felt too tongue-tied to spell out.

There were unspoken words and feelings hanging in the air from threads too fragile for them to dare touch, dare reach out. Everything they had tucked away in the earlier hours was bared, left raw in the wake of despair, exhilaration, defeat and triumph, too different fabrics knit too tightly together in the thrill of the match.

"Yachi, Shimizu! Line up!" Coach Ukai barked from the side as the boys started lining up for the awards ceremony in rumbling footfalls.

Hitoka flinched as Kiyoko merely turned around to acknowledge the call with a nod and a "yes!" before jogging over to their side. Hitoka stumbled to follow after her.

Kiyoko watched the Shiratorizawa players lining up on their left. Over on their side, Kageyama was elbowing Hinata as they bickered about something or other. Tanaka tried to shut them up, glancing furtively at Sawamura's ever-darkening expression.

"Um!"

Kiyoko looked over to Hitoka, who was fiddling with the sleeves of her tracksuit. Her hesitant gaze was lost somewhere around the Karasuno players' sneakers.

"I-I'm sorry. For yesterday, I mean. I wanted to say it earlier but I was afraid it would jinx the match so I promised I'd only do it after we won," Hitoka explained, tripping over her words in the haste of getting them out.

Being answered by nothing but silence, Hitoka chanced a glance towards Kiyoko. Her brown eyes blinked up owlishly at the older girl, finding not the unnerved gaze she expected, but a firm, gentle smile.

"You didn't say anything wrong. In fact, thank you for thinking so highly of me."

Hitoka faltered for a moment, seeming fleetingly undecided for a moment. Then, she frowned slightly, blotches of pink spreading across her cheeks like watercolor.

"But there's the k-k-kiss, too! That was completely disrespectful!" Hitoka was nearly yelling by the end of her sentence, but caught herself with a wince. She glanced at the boys, busy with their banter, and Coach Ukai and Takeda-sensei, who were talking among themselves. Making sure no one heard her, she sighed, dropping her head. "You... always let me off too easily, Shimizu-senpai."

Kiyoko snorted and laid a hand atop Hitoka's head, successfully dragging the girl's eyes towards her own.

"I don't do that at all, Hitoka-chan. There's no way I wouldn't take you seriously, when you'll be standing in this place next year."

Hitoka seemed keen on protesting, but the fanfare for the awards ceremony started and she was tight-lipped and turning back forward.

They listened to the congratulatory speech with pride, watching as Sawamura respectfully received the certificate and Sugawara was handed their trophy with an unstoppable grin on his face. Then, two girls stepped forward; one holding the case with the medals while the other picked them up and looped one by one around the players' necks, gold sitting heavily on their chests. Kiyoko smiled.

"I guess I should correct you on something you said yesterday," Kiyoko said, only loud enough that Hitoka would hear. The first-year seemed about to fling herself into hysterics once again, but Kiyoko proceeded before she could get a word in edgewise.

"At a certain point in my life, I really was lonely. I've only realized that recently, because things changed." Kiyoko held Hitoka's gaze as she spoke, but threw a glance towards the team with a candid smile. Hinata was almost vibrating with glee as the medal was hung around his neck. "I'm not lonely anymore. They are the best company I could've had over the past three years."

Hitoka's eyes sparkled as she listened to Kiyoko. So entranced she was with her words that she only noticed Kiyoko's head leaning closer when she felt black, silky hair brushing against her shoulder.

"But I wonder why is it. I feel like I've been missing you all this time, Hitoka-chan."

Kiyoko's tone was secretive, but more than that, it felt painfully wistful. Hitoka gaped at her, cheeks flashing red like neon signs. Kiyoko smiled apologetically.

"Being with you makes me feel at ease, so I surely don't want to trouble you. Right now, we are being awarded for our victory. You can forget I said anything as soon as we leave-"

Hitoka's hand gripped Kiyoko's, interrupting her immediately. The third-year stared at the blonde girl, eyes growing minutely wider.

"A-after we beat Nekoma at Nationals," Hitoka started, stuttering but staring up at Kiyoko with earnest eyes. "I'll k-kiss you again, Shimizu-senpai. It's a promise."

Faced with Kiyoko's wide-eyes bafflement, she hurried to add, "B-but only if you let me! I'm sure I'm awfully inadequate and-"

Kiyoko leaned back and away, chuckling behind her hand—the one Hitoka wasn't still holding on to.

"You sure like making promises hanging on our victories, Hitoka-chan." Kiyoko grinned, entertained by how surprisingly superstitious Hitoka was.

"I'm sorry..." Hitoka grumbled, dejected. Kiyoko waved her hand dismissively.

"No need to apologize. I'm happy you have such faith in our team. But about that promise, maybe don't rush away this time, alright?"

Hitoka laughed disconcertingly while scratching her head, despite the furious blush that colored her entire face.

Their hands remained tightly wound together until they had to applaud their champions, who were looking away from them and over the people on the stands; their eyes were already set in the future, seeing the spotlights of Spring High.

January was far away. When Kiyoko glanced at the big fat tears about to spill over from Hitoka's eyes as she applauded their team, however, she didn't feel any rush. More than the kiss after their victory, Kiyoko was already looking forward to every moment leading up to it. Every moment growing closer to her and becoming stronger with their team.

**Author's Note:**

> (please don't kill me)


End file.
